Closure

It is nearly two decades since our paths went in different directions. In the mean time we joined jobs in different cities, worked, met a few interesting people, made new friends who taught us much more than we thought we would learn, changed jobs, went up in life, got married and had children.

Even though I hardly told you how much I loved you, I never stopped loving you through all this, yes I still love you and have been thinking of you nearly every single day since the day we parted ways. It wasn't like we fought with each other, we never even said our good byes. 

We even kept bumping into each other once in a while, though not physically. You would be there in a friend's house when I call a friend, or you would have written to my cousin, and then we got back in touch with each other and started chatting on phone and letters flew...but something somewhere stopped us from getting together. 

Now meeting you last week has brought a closure to everything. Not exactly the one I would have dreamt of, but still I am happy that there is a closure somewhere.

I was surprised when I met you at the wedding. I didn't expect to see you there with your wife and your little boy. And we got talking. I should say, your wife is a lovely woman. Absolutely adore her. I am happy that you have someone as wonderful as her to take care of you. I sure would have lost my patience, or that is what I think.

You haven't changed much. Yes, you have stopped smoking, but you still drink. I am not sure if I could have handled that. And you son is lovely but there is something missing, not sure what. I see how you still don't care about your health, or your son's health for that matter. You don't exercise, don't eat healthy, and you don't have the patience to forgive your family and friends for what they have done. I am not a person to try and change anyone for my sake. I would have accepted you  the way you are and I would have gone crazy in the process.

I see all that and I think I couldn't have tolerated any of this. May be it is good that we didn't get together, we could have ended up in a divorce. 

I think now it is only right that we went our different ways. Atleast you are happy. I see that your wife absolutely loves you and spoils you rotten all the time. I can see that she even justifies what ever you do. Not sure if I would have done any of that. I am really really happy for you and hopefully I will get you out of my mind someday soon.

Grandparents and Grandchildren

Some how I see such wonderful grand parents around and see grandparents like my parents and  my in-laws who refuse to bond with my children. 

My mother buys clothes and toys for my children but she gets angry with them. She doesn't realise the bonding comes from playing with them and spending time with them. She comes back from work in the evenings and sits in front of the mindless TV, as we call it. In the mornings she is so busy with her work that she doesn't have time to spend with them.

She probably loves them but complains about them all the time. She says they never listen to her and that they are a pain and she cannot handle them. I would have loved to see my children bond with their grand parents but looks like that is not going to happen. My father is lovely with them but he lives so far, far away that he cannot spend time with them. He buys plenty of stuff for them, clothes, toys, sweets, etc. and my kids love him too, but then spending time with them even once a month is not happening.

As far as my in-laws are concerned, they seem to love my son as he is the "heir" to the family (as though they belong to the royal family) and my daughter is ignored. None of them in my husband's family ever remember my daughter's birthday and everyone wishes for my son's birthday. When my father-in-law goes for a walk, he will call my son - not my daughter. They both are just two years apart, what is the point in taking one child out for a walk and leaving the other one at home? Why this bias? I just get irritated and don't send my son as well. I don't want my children treated differently.

Looks like my children are not lucky to have good grand parents.

Why do they not listen to you amma?

My daughter's question this morning. "Why does your amma not listen to you amma?"  I had told my mother that I wasn't ready to eat four idlis and asked her to remove  one and my mother said that I should eat four. Funny, I am nearly 40 and my mother doesn't trust me to understand how much food my body wants.

Actually I was working for 14 years and I have handled big accounts while working. Nobody doubted my capacity to judge things, but when I am home, I am treated like a baby. They do not trust me to go to the shop and buy a Rs.10 biscuit packet! Be it my husband or my parents, the story is the same. I am sick of trying to fight this.

The other day, I was walking out to get a loaf of bread at around 6:30 pm, and my husband thought I should either take my father-in-law or sister-in-law with me. I wanted to get out for a breath of fresh air and wanted some thinking time alone. But of course people don't trust me. 

I know all children are babies to their parents, but I think this is a bit too much.

Am I the only one or do others go through this too? 

Leave me alone.

Had to share this. Not sure if many will feel the way I felt. Not sure if this is an Aspie thing.

The other day I was at my in-laws place. The kids woke up late and had their glass of  milk much later than usual. When we came down, the father-in-law asked the kids if  they hadn't had their breakfast. I thought it was obvious they didn't have their breakfast, so the question it self was not necessary in the first place. The kids chose to ignore the question and keep themselves busy with something that was really important to them. So the next question was directed at me. "Did they have their breakfast or not?". I replied in a loud and clear voice that they had their glass of milk just then and it would be another half an hour to forty five minutes before they had their breakfast.

A couple of minutes later, my mother-in-law sat down for her breakfast and reminded me that the kids hadn't had breakfast and asked why they didn't have it till then. Under normal conditions, my mother-in-law has very sharp ears, I could talk in the upstairs bedroom with the door locked and she could hear it in the downstairs bedroom. Well, though not exactly to that extent, she matches up to something like that anyway. We don't live in Buckingham palace, it is a small, teeny weeny three bed house, so she clearly heard my reply to my father-in-law, but still had to ask/remind me. At this stage the irritation was setting in. I've fed my kids for the past 6 years and I know their routing better than anyone else. I don't think I will forget feeding them breakfast.

A few minutes later my sister-in-law has to walk in and ask the kids if they were not hungry. At this stage I was ready to hit anyone that talked about food. I told her clearly that I handle the kids food and I know when to give them breakfast and not to talk about food anymore.

Guess what, the next day, my sister-in-law had to do the same thing again and ask the kids if they were not hungry.... grrrrrrrrrr...... please leave me alone.

Don't mistake me, I love my sister-in-law, but can't take the fact that she does the exact same thing I ask her not to do.

I feel as though they don't trust me to do my work properly and they have to oversee what I am doing and set about ten reminders so I will do my work on time. This seems to upset me a lot.

Discipline? What Discipline?

When the topic of homeschooling comes up I get a lot of questions. Today's special was homeschooled kids lose discipline. What is discipline? I am not sure what they mean by discipline. Is waking up at 6:30 every morning discipline? If so I could actually do without that discipline as my kids wake up at that time every morning, without me waking them up. Heck! They actually wake me up on days that I am way too tired to wake up before them and keep everything ready!

Is going to bed at 7:30pm every day discipline, then they do that without me having to tell them. Actually they are better than most if not all my neighbours kids who go to school when it comes to going to bed on time.

Is sitting in the class room with their hands across their chest quietly and shaking their head for everything discipline? Then sorry, I don't need that discipline at all. I want my kids to think, to question, to be able to read when they can concentrate and play when they dont feel like sitting in front of the books, that way there is more productivity involved and less wastage of time for all those that are involoved.

Children should grow up as children. My kids play with lego, clay, paints, stones, leaves, toys, etc whenever they want. They study if they want, when they want, and guess what? They are academically ahead of all the children their age. They read much more than children their age, because they are not forced to.

So to all those people who look for discipline, my children are well disciplined, thank you very much! :D

Aspergers and me

I recently discovered that I might be an Aspie. Reading through loads of Aspie stuff and I am pretty sure I have Aspergers. I haven't spoken about this to anyone yet. Not sure if I will ever talk about this to anyone. I think it would have been much easier to tell the world if I were lesbian. (Amma, if you were ever to see this, I actually am not a lesbian, -- this is just to make sure you understand it right!)

If I told my mother I was an Aspie, her reaction would be "So what is the big deal about it? I think I am an Aspie too (I would agree on that), and by the way, you know that cousin of yours, she did a great job yesterday, (unsaid words...."I know how you would never measure up to that!") blah ... blah... blah..."

My father's reaction would be "OK, so let's get an appointment with this great psychiatrist I know and see what he can do to help us out. But why on earth do you even think that you have Aspergers?"

My brother would be more like "Hey, I always knew your screws were a bit loose, so you just confirmed it, wow! "

My husband's would be the classic "So you have a baggage, it is you that has to unpack it. I can't help you in any which way. And by the way, I always knew you were wrong. So, may be can we have sex tonight? (yes,you heard it right!... like all roads lead to Rome, all conversations lead to sex, it doesn't matter what!)

So what do you think I should do? Who do you think I should approach?

Dear Parents, you need to control your kids.... Sincerely non parents

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/

This was the title of the above article. A real lovely article I should say.

I wish I could ask my mother to read this. She keeps complaining about my children all the time. What does she think I am doing? My children are lovely, a normal 4 year old and 6 year old and they do what normal children this age do. 

They play, sing, dance, read and ofcourse like all curious kids do they go and poke around things, which they think are harmless. And my mother thinks they are really really naughty.
  My son gets upset when he is hungry or tired. He throws a tantrum, but I think that is understandable.

Two weeks ago, I had a cranky daughter who was ready to sleep. She refused to brush and kept crying for everything. I was telling her calmly that she should stop doing all the drama and just go to sleep if she was tired. My mother who was half listening to all this and watching TV came storming into the room and told me that I should give in to her and lift her and get her into bed and stop being adamant. Uh? What does she mean. I guess the noise was a problem for her as it was stopping her from listening to her TV. When I told her that I would handle it in my way, she got so upset, she didn't talk to me for a full week.

The other day, it was my mother-in-law. I wish I had a way of actually ignoring them and continue doing what I think is best for my kids.